I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
