i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
