I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
