I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
