he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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