I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
