Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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