look no pants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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