Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize