I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
