His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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