I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
