So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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