uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
