u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
