I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
