Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
