you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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