so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
