can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Found your dick twin last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
