she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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