Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
