i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
