I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
