you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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