I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
