theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
