She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
