She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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