Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
