Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
