Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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