She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my poor anus
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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