Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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