i would punch a child for taco bell
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
