Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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