Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
