my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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