What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
