dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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