i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
