I molested 6 butterflies tonight
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
