Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
