it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
