apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
