ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
