No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
