I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
