I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
