haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
