i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
