My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
