Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
