I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
