Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
