wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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