What did we do last night that was yellow?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
