20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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