I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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