in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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