i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize