No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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