Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
