**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
