a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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