i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
