Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
